We've all seen this, maybe at performance event, sporting event or some other venue the parents that seem over involved in their teen's life.  Maybe it's a dad that never got to play football in high school.  Maybe it's a mom who wants her daughter to be the Homecoming Queen.  There is nothing wrong with any of this but the question we need to ask ourselves is why.  Why do we want our daughter to be the Homecoming Queen?  Why do we want our son to play football?  Why do we push our children so hard to be in the organization or hold that position?  As parents we all want what is best for our children but sometimes we can tend to live out our fantasies and dreams through our children.

There is a great danger in doing this.  The danger is that we kill the soul of the child.  I have spoken to many teens who are angry at their parents from making them do things and be a part of things that they don't want to do or be a part of.  I have spoken to many teens who don't have their own identity because their parents are creating one for them.  The reality is that teens need to find their own identity during the teen years; that is the way that God wired them.  If parents are forcing their child into an identity that they don't want then the teen may never truly discover who they are and resent the parents for it.  To put it simply, parents that attempt to live a dream life through their children frustrate and anger that child and ultimately may end up losing that child forever.

So, how can you know if you are living vicariously through your child, here are some questions to ask yourself:

1.       Do you talk more about their activities than they do?

2.      Are you more emotionally invested in their activities than they are?

3.      Do you constantly give your child instruction and critques of their activities and life?

4.      Do you feel your status or self-esteem rides on your child's achievements

5.      Do you say "we" to describe your child's life?

6.      Is your teen overly stressed for no apparent reason?

7.      Are you spending more time on your teen's Facebook than on your own?

8.      Are all of your interests or hobbies a part of your teen's sports, extracurricular activities and social network?

If you answered "yes" to these questions you might be trying to live vicariously through your teen.